导读：上周吴谢宇弑母案在网络上引起热议，这让我联想起了最近看的一部电影，名叫《涉足荒野》，电影主人公来自一个破碎的家庭，她在深爱她的母亲去世后，因为无法与自己和解，开始了一系列自残的行为，但最终，她通过徒步太平洋山脊小径（PCT），找回了自己。今天我们就来聊聊原生家庭对孩子成长的影响。

Transcript:

Before we begin today’s topic, I’d like to show you a piece of news.

Wu Xieyu, a ‘star student’ at China’s top university arrested after three years on the run went viral last week on social media. He is suspected of murdering his mom Xie Tianqin, a teacher in a middle-school.

I was absolutely shocked by the news of what he did to his mom. This reminds me of a movie called ‘wild’. It tells the heroine Cheryl Strayed hiked solo 1,100 miles of the Pacific Crest Trail(PCT), stretching from the Mojave desert (莫哈维沙漠) to the Canadian border, despite having no hiking experience.

Her thru-hiking stirred my heartstrings, but the reason behind her motivation impressed me most.

She had a miserable childhood. Her parents got divorced because her father addicted to alcohol and abused her mom for years.

She relied heavily on her mom. As a result, she lost herself after her loving mom died in cancer. She engaged in self-destructive(自我破坏) behavior, such as drug use, indiscriminate sex which led to the break up of her marriage.

She was falling apart.

However，she was luckier than Wu Xieyu because she finally found a method that is embracing the challenges on the PCT to cope with her emotional pain.

We know little about Wu Xieyu and his family, blaming his family of origin(原生家庭) did not stand up. But from the two stories above, we can see the family of origin impacts on children’s personality development more or less.

A good family relationship helps children feel secure and loved that lead to healthy self-esteem(自我尊重).

While a broken relationship may lead to children to do something bad to themselves or others in their adulthood.

Every family is unique. factors such as family structure, parent’s religion, age, education, occupation impact on their strategies in parenting. Even psychologists can’t do analysis with no assumption.

Some people think that Wu’s mom influence on the personality development in his teens, causing a large tragedy. They further assume teenagers from single parenting are more likely to have lower self-esteem than those in two parents.

I think the assumption falls into the trap of survival bias(幸存者偏见). You can’t turn a blind eye on the fact that there are many good people in the single-parent family.

Moreover, a study conducted by professor Olga Dominica shows adolescents from single-parent families will present a level of self-esteem lower proved to be false.[1]

I believe that no family is perfect, people argue, fight. The best thing we can do as a family member is to learn self-salvation(自我救赎) to become a better person.

In the end, I want to use a dialogue between Cheryl and her mom Bobbi to close today’s topic.

Cheryl: Can you stop humming that song?
Bobbi: What is wrong with you?
Cheryl: I don’t know, what’s wrong with you?
Bobbi: I am happy, happy people sing.
Cheryl: Why are you happy? We have nothing mom.
Bobbi: No，we are rich in love.
Cheryl: Oh，my God, not even start with that. We are both waitressing full-time.
Bobbi: Well, we are students.
Cheryl: And we are gonna have loans for the rest of our lives. This house is falling apart. You’re all by yourself because you married some abusive alcoholic asshole. And then, I come home and you’re singing?
Bobbi: There is nothing I don’t get, believe me. But then what? If there’s one thing I could teach you, it’s how to find your best self and when you do, how to hold onto it for dear life.
Cheryl: And this is your best self?
Bobbi: I’m trying. Do I regret marrying an abusive alcoholic asshole? No, not for one second. Cause I got you and your brother. See how it works? It isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. And there’s gonna be a lot worse days than this, honey. And you can let them kill you… But I don’t know, I want to live.

Reference: 

[1] Octavian Moldovan, Aurel Vlaicu, Published 2016.The Influence of Single Parenting on the Personality Development of Teenagers.

cut class

英文释义：Absent oneself from a class or other, usually mandatory event
中文释义：逃学，翘课
例子：

cut corners

英文释义：Do something in the easiest or least expensive way
中文释义：走捷径
例子：

cut as a button

英文释义：Pretty or attractive in a dainty way
中文释义：纽扣少女，非常可爱
例子：

cut it out

英文释义：Stop, desist
中文释义：住嘴，住手
例子：

cut loose

英文释义：Speak or act without restraint
中文释义：摆脱，尽情享受
例子：

cut no ice

英文释义：Have no effect, make no impression
中文释义：毫无效果，美口语中的不起作用
例子：That excuse cuts no ice with me.

cut off with a shilling/cent

英文释义：Disinherit
中文释义：断绝继承关系
例子：Grandfather cut him off with a shilling.

cut off one’s nose to spite one’s face

英文释义：Injure oneself out of pique
中文释义：损人不利己
例子： Staying home because Meg was invited first is cutting off your nose to spite your face.

cut one’s teeth on

英文释义：Get one’s first experience by doing, or learn early in life
中文释义：开始一个新的行业，从某事中获得经验
例子：I cut my teeth on magazine editing.

cut short

英文释义： Abbreviate, stop abruptly
中文释义：突然中断
例子：The soccer games were cut short by the weather.